Why have I been losing faith? A positive direction to the question & my Ultimate aim

So I haven't been too reflective lately, in fact others have been reflecting a lot for me - thanks to a long call with my mother and then my stepfather, brother and some talks with good friends, who have seen in a different subjective perspective (still subjective to their relations with me, but closer to being objective from how I see things & you can never be perfectly objective as a human observer), and this all has helped me very much in standing strong with my intuitive faith.  I did journal the other day on "Why have  I been losing faith?", and it didn't help me too much in the respect that I didn't cheer up, although I did "look up" and "open up" - I was reminded I can find many interesting perspectives and observations about the natural world (something I thank Emerson for fueling, especially reading his intricate but echoing poems often).  Essentially, I am grateful for the support around me, and I want to be able to provide the same for others since it has helped me so much.  I want to provide windows to issues, so people can consider which ones to look out of when solving their problems. 

In other news, I feel ready to do, and less inclined to talk of it.  I wish to experience more so as to then be able to reflect on after (or not reflect at all, just enjoy it as is), to really have something tangible to understand.  

Ways I have been connecting my self through experience:

Getting slightly more serious about schoolwork - the interest in bio is rather, eh, but I can kindle it.

Going to rock climbing team practices regularly 2x2 hour practices a week, but only two weeks left :(

I feel challenged on a totally different level at these, which I crave.  On partner exercises, I will always ask for harder and it become enjoyable when you immerse yourself in the social aspect of it - my partner has the power to push me further than I could myself, literally, we throw eachothers' legs down to the floor and we have to keep them off the floor, like in a leg lift. 

Going to the Yoga and Reiki club one time a week for peace and control. 

Still doing OCR (obstacle course racing ) practices virtually every weekday morning, some days I have actually not seen anyone else at practice and gone back to sleep because I have fallen out of my strict bedtime ritual from last year - never not in bed later than 2300 to get up by 0630.  This year, I can be up as late as 0130 and sometimes later..

Calling and not being afraid of talking to my family and sometimes strangers, even if it goes no where special, just being able to loosen up from my introverted self and actually do things and connect to people that I can sometimes doubt my being able to engage in. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE LOVED, AND CAN LOVE.

Ideal Ways for me to add in connecting myself:

I would like to connect more with OCR friends, ordinary people who wish to better themselves through physical and mental training, deeper philosophy conversations with people (my stepdad is great for that), writing more creative things like poems for the Huntington poetry club I go to now, and also definitely reading more philosophy and non fiction.. and even fiction (I miss my Deltora Quest and Ranger's Apprentice reading in middle school and earlier.)

Ultimately you may ask, what am I interested in all of these things for?  Well, I wish to enter the life of the coach, the teacher, but also that of the lifetime student.  I will always seek new knowledge, but I wish to help others establish a baseline, or a set of experiences that will illustrate to them the beauty and strength they can find in life.  I wish to do this in as big a way as I can, and in as micro a way I can, every day, or one day, but find how I can do this every way possible - I have been blessed with a taste of good, and worked hard to find the good I feel now, and I wish to find a way to allow others to do the same.  This may be vague, but my questions will only specify, and they are quite lengthy for this post now.  I will leave this there.

For now, ask yourself, what have I done or sought or felt today or all of those, that made or could have made a difference in others' lives or even just temporary feelings?  And ask yourself, how temporary really is a mood, when it carries actions taken that are influenced by those moods?  

One last thing, don't forget to smile and choose to do and feel good!

Very Respectfully and Sincerely,

Grant Tamutus