Gotta do it raw

There's something about everyone's first that is incredibly overtaking.  Firsts being in regards to literally anything! I was just reading over some of my impressions and reflections of college and its many "sins" not too shortly after I started, and realized that a lot of the things that I desire to do now are things I really didn't care much about because I didn't experience them at all before, nor did I have any friends who told me that it was important to try those things. Yet, not trying those new experiences with a raw nakedness and unknowingness leaves you naked and unknowing for when you actually may try them later, or they may happen to you later in a way which you do not enjoy.

So to the virgins of drugs, sex, even exercise, forms of music, etc., you are to decide whether you wish to try it now or later, when the odds may not be in your favor. Though to stay a virgin to them also protects you from the desire of wanting more later, whereas not to stay one can go many directions.  Ultimately, I believe you should find a good intrinsic reason to do them, and not to do them just to do them.

Having done some things, I can say I enjoyed them, but naturally, I want more of them, I want to have them in the most pure form, the most enjoyable form. Some form that actually positively changes how I look forward, more than backward.   I want a lasting unity in spirit, something that despite physical time and space separations, I can feel like it is a part of my identity. It depends on how you value these things, but across the board, it is shown that people who can choose delayed over instant gratification tend to do better in a number of aspects in their lives.  Sometimes you get wrapped up in the moment, and that is good, but sometimes you should also realize that that snowball in that moment may not end well for you or others in the future.

I have not found the love of my life, or the time of my life, but I do have moments of love and ecstasy.  I could string those moments together, isolated from the times of trials and tribulations. However nice that may sound, it is not what I really need or can actually enjoy.  Because as physically temporary as those raw, absolute, connected moments are, they are not nearly as sweet without the pain.

...The scraping of my sensitive, soaking heart, and tearing of it's tissues to leave stringy sinews across varied venues...

I am raw, my soul has saw - not yet all. But it has been in awe.

Without that rawness created by the pain, I don't think I could truly feel as connected as I do in those moments - because that connection is healing all of my open, raw being.

It takes a delicate, yet controlled balance to feel this, but it is not quite something you can understand through language or demonstration.
You just gotta do it raw.

"..Faith comes in moments; our vice is habitual" - "The Over-Soul", Ralph Waldo Emerson