I have been happy, yet sad. There is no time like social time. There is also no time spent quite like my confident training time (sometimes I have trained half-heartedly or not shown up when I have told myself I would). But terrible is the time when I am truly alone: in my mind, and with the first and most honest teacher, nature. Terrible, like awesome, like awful! The mind's choice, its "connotation" can be either good, bad or both, but what these words point out is the MAGNITUDE. The mind is magnificient in its powers. I give myself a slap on the wrist now when I do something mindlessly, like shift through the applications on my smart phone for sake of occupying.. something.. perhaps time? But every moment I am aware, I am aware of so many things.. and this is the terrible, awful, awesome part: that I am the one to translate, to filter this great amount of stimulus and impulse from the world around into how it shapes myself. We should rest from this awareness, or it might consume oneself! Or we should irrigate it properly: into the best parts of ourselves, and even when such vastness enters the worst parts - the doubting, mindless, allowing negativity - we should let it wash it all away into new covering, a healed wound or a repainted sign of our minds, signalling for a new idea to come hither, be brave.
However we deal with it, there is no way like the way you have chosen, as some destinations are on far opposing poles of one's circumnavigation. Do not go forth halfheartedly. With that, we should also see that many destinations, or creative opportunities, perhaps newly synthesized through the world or the mind, lay closeby our paths at all times. Discipline gets us along this "path", spontaneity guides us, making a new "path".
Constantly I see circles, yet tell myself I must stay focused on something. Why must I? So I find ways to serve, to do, to occupy, but ultimately I must confront this overwhelmingly bright light of truth - avoiding my instinct to scramble into dark recesses of comfort. It's colder there, and that will send me shivering, asking why, thrown into the light again. This truth is on every circle of the sphere.
It is so difficult, walking in and out of nature, attached with the in and out of work-worlds. Where is your mind busy, either frantically or freely flowing, and where is it stuck, either lazily or confusedly?
I have faith! I have it in all around, which overwhelmingly abounds! Even in my most exhausted state, I have it. I don't understand, and cannot imagine ever being able to know it all, but of the little which I do, I feel in control, and at the same time prepared for impact with the unknown - adapting, changing naturally so that I cannot ever worry, I am in tune with the sages of the Universe.
[This was in many ways inspired while reading Emerson's "Nature" part of which is hyperlinked above, and long after his essay "Circles", and inspired in so many other ways by my own life. I assure you all I'll get through Emerson and be onto many other greats soon. Meanwhile, I'm reading 18th century philosophy and a history in ethical, social and political philosophy and thought as well. I encourage the pursuit of that which you can know, but clearly don't and the acceptance of that which you will never have time or resources to know either. You are always capable expanding in awareness and consequently of giving love well-received for your fellow humans.]
In faith,
Grant
